Rejection is one of the most painful experiences in relationships. As soon as a person feels that someone is rejecting them or finding fault, they quickly begin to reject that person in return. And reject themselves as well. It is clear that their self-worth is dependent on how the other feels about them. They know themselves through the eyes of another. Dangerous, indeed.
When an individual is in an abusive relationship, and rejection and fault finding are on-going, it is not unusual for them to completely lose confidence in themselves and even feel they are not deserving of love. But let’s look at this more closely. What really happens when feelings of rejection surface? Are these feelings truly caused by the behavior of another, or is it because one does not know who they are, and doesn’t f eel good about themselves.
When an individual is solidly planted in the truth of who they are, nothing can shake them. Other people’s perceptions change daily. What does this have to do with you? When you are living in your truth, another person’s behavior cannot shake your basic sense of worthiness. You clearly see that all of life, including yourself has infinite value, and infinite beauty. And, no matter how they behave it is possible to see their beauty and value as well.
There are basic steps to being planted in your essential truth. These steps are like vitamins and minerals for the soul. When we practice these steps daily, we become less vulnerable to the behavior of others. planted on solid ground. Here are a few steps to begin:
Realize That The Way A Person Treats You Says More About Them Than About You
Negative behavior says more about the person behaving that way than it does about you. When you feel stung by your partner’s behavior, stop a moment and realize it is their difficulty or pain they are expressing. Don’t take it in. When you absorb their negative behavior you are going along with their problem and turning it on yourself. When someone behaves negatively towards you, say to yourself, this is a call for help and understanding. Stand quietly and listen to the call.
Stop Rejecting Yourself As Well
Why is it so common to take rejection personally? It is because we also spend a great deal of our time rejecting most of what life brings our way, including ourselves. We want one thing and get another. We want our partner to behave in one way and they do the opposite. Soon we begin to feel there’s something wrong with everyone we meet, that it’s up to us change and control them until they meet our expectations. But it is inevitable that the more we reject others, the more we will be rejected as well.
Look for What Is Good and Right About Others, and Yourself
If you are being rejected a lot, take time to notice the ways in which you reject others. Then stop it. Turn it
around. Look for what is good or right about the person or situation in front of you. Look for what is good and right about yourself.
Do Not Look For The Faults Of Others
The Buddha has told us: “Do not look for the fault of others, look at your own deeds, done and undone.”
Loneliness and upset in our relationships comes from searching other’s faults. We can also project our own faults upon others as well. We blame them for what we see in them, and then reject it all. This never makes for happy relationships where both parties can be themselves, feel wanted and grow naturally.
Notice How You Are Perceiving Your Partner: Take Charge of Your Focus
When we catch ourselves being caught in this pattern we can stop it by taking responsibility for what is happening. We can immediately notice how we are perceiving our partner. Next, take charge of our perceptions and decide what to focus upon. In any moment there are things we could be acknowledging. Why are we choosing to acknowledge the bad points? It’s important to ask and answer that.
Make An Inventory of Your Strong Points. YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH
The more we value, like and appreciate ourselves, the less we’ll look for the faults of others. Take time to make an inventory of your strong points. What is good, valuable and worthwhile about you? Why would someone want to have you as their partner? What gifts do you bring? If you are not clear about your own value, it’s hard to see the value in others. We must learn to acknowledge and value respect ourselves if we wish to have others treat us this way as well.
Choose To Offer Acceptance and Understanding
The more we value, like and appreciate others, the happier we will be. The experience of acceptance and
oneness is what everyone desires. Give that to others and give it to yourself.
Whoever Appears Before You Is Another Aspect Of Yourself
In order to do this you must realize that whoever appears before you is simply another aspect of yourself.
Judgment or the desire to change them is not necessary. Curiosity is a better response.
How to End Rejection
As we allow ourselves to end rejection others to be who they are, and view them with understanding and acceptance we develop open heartedness and become happier, healthier and more fulfilled in our lives and relationships. What better gift to offer others? Try it and see.