As life becomes more complicated the loneliness we live with escalates. In order to address this question at its root, we must learn how to make direct, authentic connections with others, ourself, and with life itself. As we find true connection, our sense of estrangement, loneliness and disconnection dissolves.
Normally we find our value and sense of connection through our relationship with others. But this keeps us always seeking someone outside ourselves. And fearing the loss of the relationship one day. It also prevents real connection that comes from truly knowing and being ourselves. Once we are in tune with our true selves, relationships become the gateway for more and more to be revealed. And then we come to relationships with fullness, not with emptiness and longing, hoping the other will fill us up. A unique relationship of mutual trust, and openness can then develop.
Others sense the way you perceive them. They also have dreams and ideals they wish to place onto someone else. Some wish to place you on a pedestal to relieve themselves of responsibility to be all they are. This is a very great trap. It is a danger both for you and the other. When you idealize others, and place your dreams upon them, it gets in the way of seeing the person truly. It also keeps you and the other person separate and lonely.
When We Truly Love, It Is Impossible To Be Lonely
When we truly love, it is impossible to be lonely, no matter who we are with. These days it seems we are in an epidemic of fear, cynicism, betrayal, and hypocrisy. What does it take to love truly now?
Train In Your Own Authenticity
For starters, it is wonderful to train in our own authenticity. Strip away the lies, ego, illusions, masks, desire for power. Let go of your expectations of others, thinking you know how they are supposed to be. Learn to really honor the other person, and to allow them to be fine as they are.
We often listen and do not hear. In order to really hear someone we have to be fully present, available to what they are saying, not want anything back in return. Become like empty bamboo, allowing the wind to blow through it.
Simple Trustworthy People
The world has never been in such a great need of a few simple, trustworthy people. We all say love is what we need, but the word means a different things to different people. It’s important to understand that love doesn't mean attachment, dependency, or possession. And, ultimately, there’s no need to worry if love will last. Real love is always here. Imaginary love creates mirages and intoxication, which sooner or later fades away and brings pain and loss. It’s important to make this distinction.
When you truly love a person you restore them to faith in in themselves and in their own spirit. You restore their ability to be true to themselves and to be true to you as well. Once faith is restored in living authentically, it’s impossible to be lonely, or separate from others anymore.
Even A Little Real Caring Goes A Long Way
Paul Tillich has said, "We live under a power which negates and destroys us, which seeks to oppress and crush us." All the conditioning and fear we live with is what keeps us lonely and afraid. A true relationship is a place where lies are cleared away. Even a little bit of light dispels a lot of darkness. A little bit of real caring goes a very long way.
The Prince Who Thought He Was A Turkey
There was a king’s son who thought he was a turkey. He didn't know he was a prince. He would go under the table when everyone was eating and gobble out loud, bite people's feet. The king was besides himself. How was he going to heal him? So many of us come to relationships thinking we are turkeys, not knowing how much we have to offer, that we are truly princes and princesses.
The king called many advisors, to try to convince his son to get up and take his place at the table. No one could help; the son refused to get up. Finally, a wise man came. He didn’t tell the son what to do, and didn’t see anything wrong with him, either. He just got under the table with the son and gobbled with him. He kept him company, became one with the prince, joined him in his situation. Once the love and rapport was established, the wise man slowly guided the prince to his true place. The son just went naturally then, didn’t feel separate, lonely, or as if something was wrong with him any longer.